The Twisting of Luci

Put the cards down slowly and give me all your cash!

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 06:54:27 GMT

Ahh it's tournament season again. How I adore the smell of unlucky desperation and old men who just shit themselves in the morning. Why is it seniors seem to think if the smell of their own dung wrapped around their waist doesn't bother them than it shouldn't bother us. I'm sorry but when I know I'm going to be sitting next to someone for several hours at a stretch I make sure to wipe my ass, just out of courtesy.

Anywhoooo.... I've somehow decided that when I'm menstruating I've got like one foot in the spirit world and can smell your actions before you even think of doing them. I told this to my husband and he just simply stated that was the oddest superpower one could ever have. Dunn - Dunn - Dun - Dun - Duuunnn .... Luci Nine of Planet Playtex! Able to read your thoughts with a single blood clot!! Okay I just made myself a little sick so I can only imagine how you're feeling reading this.

So, switching gears ... I think I need to get into a fist fight for no reason whatsoever with a random stranger. And not in some "cool" setting like a bar or what have you. In like the supermarket over organic asparagus. "Hey fucker that was my bundle!! You motherfucking veggie thief!!" How could you not laugh if you saw that. I think I'm just hopped up on angst due to all the old school hardcore and punk I've been listening to lately. Damn you MDC, damn you!!! Okay clearly I need sleep so I'm gonna go do that.

Can't Sleep Clowns Will Eat Me

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 14:18:47 GMT

Is it a bad sign if you have sex dreams about people you went to high school with? I keep having these torrid dreams about one guy I used to make out with my freshman year and I have no idea why. It must be one of those "missed opportunities" or "youthful regrets" dreams seeing as I never did sleep with him. I wonder how my life would be different if I just changed one thing in high school. How would I be if I did have sex in high school. It's an interesting notion ... just pick one time period and one thing you didn't do and imagine life if you'd done it. I think I'd be married with kids by now if I'd had sex in high school. And I bet my sexuality would be simpler. Gee, I'm extra glad I had a "no-penetration" clause in my yearbook! Of course, I suppose I should have covered all the bases and molested a few prospects after high school. I just realized that my next reunion milestone is next spring ... 15 years. Excuse me while I go stand in the mirror and happily gaze at my wrinkle free skin and grayless hair. I'm not old, I'm just experienced.

Blarg!

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 11:10:08 GMT

You ever break inside so oddly that it doesn't even hurt it just tickles? I swear somedays I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I feel twelve. No, I'm not dead, nowhere near it. I'm pretty sure I AM the indestructable cheerleader!

I'm a bastard but at least I admit it.

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 11:03:42 GMT

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Extreme
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Extreme
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Extreme
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Extreme

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

Sometimes you just need a slap upside the head...

Sun, 04 Apr 2004 21:50:41 GMT

Remember how I said my brother is all about "family" now. Well he's due to have a son any day now. I just heard from my mother that not only is he following family name tradition and naming it the Fourth but ... and oh my god this is so wretched ... since Jen had a C-section last time, they planned on it this time and scheduled to have the baby born on my fathers birthday. Well, guess I'm out of the will. The things my family members will do for money never ceases to amaze me. My oldest cousins wife, the gold digger, made certain to name their last daughter after my grandmother in a shameful attempt to win favor with my grandfather, as Helena had been born shortly after my grandmother had passed away. I just don't get it ... how much money does one person need? It's not like any of them don't have decent jobs or are struggling financially in any way. Everyone knows that we'll all inherit something as well, so why suck ass is such a blatantly fake way? Best part of it all is that they'll name their kids anything that suits he cause without hesitation (which to me is something SO personal to parent and child) but I'm really hard pressed to remember the last time I saw any of them spending any quality time with their older relatives. Here's a novel idea ... give you're kids some sense of identity and just work harder to make more money if you so desperately need it.

Awhooo ... Aaaare ... Ayooou ...

Sun, 04 Apr 2004 21:36:31 GMT

Ever google yourself? Scary shit. Apparently there is a woman in NYC who has my name, she's a book publisher. Oh and a dog in Sweden, at least it's a pure breed. I actually found something my mother posted about me on a 9/11 website, talk about random. There were some piercing links as well as some random quote of mine on somebody's random quote site. Was like "memorable things people have said to me" or some kinda site like that. The quote was ... "I remember when love was as easy as "Do you like me? Yes. No. Circle." Oddly enough I remember saying it, just not to who, I think it was my old friend Jenn. Of course there is also some porn stars with names like mine so that just made me overjoyed. Really starting to reconsider that name change thingy. Now go google ... I dare you! I defy any of you to find my police record ... good luck!

Hear Ye, Hear Ye...

Thu, 01 Apr 2004 10:33:30 GMT

Decided to do a short list of recent events in order to play a bit of catch up for those of you who thought maybe I was dead.

1. Kerry wins Democratic nomination - anyone else hoping the Heinz fortune will pay off the national debt? Well we certainly know he'll get the 18-24 vote ever since he said fuck in Rolling Stone. God knows MTV won't be backing Bush. I predict alot of War on Iraq pandering throughout these campaigns. Great, just what I wished for ... another year of "doing it for 9/11."

2. Passion of the Christ - no I have not seen it so stop fucking asking me. Allow me to now address those of you who think that since you saw The Passion you are now an expert on film or somehow learned about Christianity ... SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU INSOLENT PIG! First off, the movie you watched before The Passion was probably "Gigli." Secondly, if you really wanted to know the story of Christ, read the book. You know, that dusty old thing tucked in the holder on the back of every pew you sit in on Sundays. Lastly, I do not need to see this movie (I probably will but that's irrelevant) because unlike the majority of you Christians, I've read the Bible and already are aware of what the Jews did and didn't do. This whole ordeal just amazes me. How is it that the Jews killing Jesus is a NEW concept?!?!?! Fucking morons.

3. My brother called me - just as I'm readying myself for another drama filled episode of Mad Mad House (more on this later) the phone rings and 90 minutes of lecturing ensues. Can anyone tell me the last time my brother took any sort of real participation in my life because I can't. Somehow he managed to morph into my father since the birth of his daughter. Wonder twins power ... form of an overbearing, know-it-all hypocrite! Yay you crapped out a kid, by all means give me advice. All I can really remember from the hour and a half of dribble was that he wanted me to be "as happy as he is" (because we all know I'm miserable and have no sense of happiness or how to obtain it), that he didn't want my life to be filled with "undo anxiety" (I'm still shaking my head at this one ... seeing as he's one of my major sources of anxiety throughout my life), and that "we (not me) would sit dad down and tell him what I wanted out of life." I find this last bit to be the rudest of them all. Why is it that people who electively left your life early on always seem to think that they can come back in whenever THEY have some sort of life changing occurence. My theory is, you check out of someone's life, you're gone, and getting back in is up to that person, not you. So now he thinks he's going to be my protector and mediator in regards to my father. Oh I almost forgot the icing on the cake ... "it's my job to make you happy." Excuse me for a moment while I go take a shit now.

4. My parents came into my work - for some reason my father has no imagination. He can never seem to understand the importance or relevance of anything in my life until he sees it right before his eyes. And then once he catches a glimpse of it he has a need to morph it into something of his own. I have no idea how a person goes from eating a meal at the restaurant their child works at to suggesting the purchase of a restaurant for said child to run. Clearly, those of you who know me know that all my life all I've ever wanted was to be a waitress. I have longed for nothing more then to lug hot plates of food to tables of fat cheap bastards. Never a word was said to me about what I would want, just simply ... "I should buy a restaurant so you can run it." Funny, I just thought I had a job but apparently Chez Luci will be opening soon.

5. And speaking of work - if one more fucking whore I work with tells me what to do as some lame attempt to inflict power of me I will start vivisecting. Everyday I go to work some new task is told to me as if I should have known to do it. Now I know exactly what this shit is about, it's about power. So I just nod, do it, and wait. I'm setting such a fucking trap for you whores. I know it's partially my fault, I was far too nice on day one. I pretend to be someone I clearly am not far too much at work. And while I'm on that subject ... if I'm playing a role five days a week am I still myself or am I now that role? I mean hell, I spend more time playing the smiling waitress then I do being myself, so what does that make me? Anyways ... I really wish the money wasn't as good as it was because I'd seriously like to reenact a little Jerry McGuire meets Fight Club right about now.

6. Reality TV - hands down the worst new television program is Mad Mad House on the SciFi network. That being said, it's also the most brilliant thing I've ever watched. I swear I've never laughed so hard. Well, maybe it's not as funny as say Chapelle's Rick James sketch, but it's still damn funny. For those of you not in the know here's a link ... http://www.scifi.com/madmadhouse/ . To give a brief idea for you all here's the premise, 10 "normal" people are forced to live in a house with 5 "freaks." The freaks (called "alts" for their alternative lifestyle ... my how clever) are a wiccan witch, a voodoo priestess, a naturalist/nudist, a modern primative, and a vampire. The 5 freaks are so over the top its just tearfully funny. And as hilarious as their ritualistic lifestyles are, they are quickly outdone weekly by the dillholes residing in the house with them. Oh, by the way, they're competing for 100k. Each week the contestants compete in "trials" that somehow celebrate one of the alts lifestyles. As all can imagine, the wiccan fear ceremony was my favorite. Nothing like watching a stripper call corners and burn scrolls in a cauldron with fears written on them. Oh the horror! I swear I piss myself with laughter even just recalling the episode. It airs Thursdays at 9PM on SciFi. Everyone needs to watch this show, not for the education, for their isn't any, but definently for the hilarity. Oh yeah ... Apprentice and Survivor own a segment of my soul.

7. J - love you. Can't live without you. Will slit your throat if you leave me.

And what can I get for you?...

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 08:25:38 GMT

If you called me over the last few weeks and I didn't call you back here are a list of possible reasons...

1. I was working.

2. I was asleep.

3. I was working but wishing I was sleeping.

4. I was talking to J.

5. I was sleeping but sadly dreaming about work.

6. I was ignoring you.

7. I was talking to work.

8. I was working for someone else.

9. I was talking/whining to J about work.

10. I hate you.

If you don't fall into one of these categories chances are you'er either retarded and don't understand the concept of busy or are one of my bosses and thus spend more time with me then anyone rightly should without a marriage license.

Here comes the disillusioned bride...

Wed, 11 Feb 2004 06:23:17 GMT

Went to a bridal expo the other day. Was there for about 45 minutes and was done with it. Every DJ booth was playing JLo. Every "bride" there was trite. Every merchant was uninterested in me until I told them my budget. Then they couldn't kiss my ass fast enough. One day of wedding planning and I'm already done with it. I swear the more I think about it, the more I don't want this wedding. Don't misunderstand me, I want to get married to J. I just really could care less if anyone else is present, let alone pay a shit ton of money to entertain them.

I haven't even gotten my parents involved yet. I know that's going to be the end of my sanity. I'm sure I will have at least 12 discussion centering around why I'm not getting married in a church. I also forsee many a comment about how this dress or that dress shows my tattoos. Let's not forget the ever popular ... "are you going to keep your hair that color" topic. The best part of having to endure this all is that we won't even be getting nice gifts. I have no desire to register for dishes and towels. Who the fuck classifies china as a sentimental gift? So glad you two found each other, here are some towels.

I envision an evening of small talk with "relatives" and "family friends" that bores me on such a level that even a shotgun in the mouth could not awaken me. I see my mother drunk on rum requesting Celine Dion. I picture my father lecturing J on how he needs to "take care of me or else." And the best part will be spending all evening explaining the ceremony to people who pray to Jesus Christo. "But why the blood?" ... "You tell me oh cannibalistic Christian!" Oh bother.

Just hold my breath, suffer through it, and move away. I think that's the best plan. I never thought I would say this ... California is looking damn good right now. Could the rest of the world fall away please and leave us alone. Between the both of us we must get 12 random phone calls from people we have no desire to speak to daily. Our families are less then appealing. My parents are overbearing, his mother is absentee. Both our siblings are lazy and self-centered.

I remember a time when I spent more time with my friends and less time with my family. I miss that. I remember leaving my house more then once a month. I remember having fun and not giving a shit about who it effected. And now I'm on the verge of catering to 400 people who I won't even speak to the day after the wedding. Who the fuck does that? Do I really have to do this just because I'm the only girl in my family? Shouldn't that day be about J and myself and not everyone else who bought us a breadmaker. I predict this will be agony.

Nap time in November...

Fri, 31 Oct 2003 18:03:04 GMT

I feel the need to tirade on the state of affairs in the world of democracy right now. Why? Because I'm nauseous and feel the need to inflict you all as well. Let's start with the adorable statistics to the gubernatorial election in California recently. The statistics state that those voters living near a WalMart have a 85% vote count for Arnold, whereas those living near a Starbucks had only a 50% vote count. My favorite part of this report was the idea that those living near a Starbucks are intellectual and those near a WalMart uneducated trash. Here's an idea you name brand consumed fucks ... why not do a report on those who voted for The Governator who had a college degree as a sign of education as opposed to those who just drink overpriced lattes.

And now I move on to the saddest moment in democratic history, not that voting in a shitty actor isn't bad enough, but for me I saw my one hopeful presidential candidate turn to shit in the most recent debates. I now refer you all to the "Kerry Gone Wild" portion of the democratic nominee debate. Is there a need to elude to shitty tasteless porn in the middle of a presidential debate? It's bad enough the "Girls Gone Wild" mentality is apparent everywhere you go, but do we need it in our politics? Yes, I know what he meant by his response. The point is, even in mocking, it should have never been said. I'm just SO fucking tired of the "it's okay to be a whore" mentality. For fucks sake keep it in the bedroom, or at least a private sex club. I can out freak the whole lot of you, I just don't do it in the supermarket. And I certainly don't do it in the voting booth. Thanks Senator Kerry for showing me how much of a douche-bag you can be. I'll be napping in November for sure now.

Furball

Fri, 31 Oct 2003 17:45:55 GMT

It's Tripper's birthday today. Yes, I have an all black cat who was born on Halloween. Touch him and he will burn a hole through your soul with his gaze. I made him a catfood cake. Why? Because I'm queer. I have to work tonight, which is good. I'd rather be distracted then home tonight. I'll make a run to the Hopyard late late night but that's all I've got planned. In my mind this year is already over and I'm ready to start a new one.

P.S. Do NOT watch "House of 1000 Corpses." I haven't decided yet but it just may have beaten out "The Musketeer" for the worst movie ever made in my book. Hell, "The Hitcher 2" was better. Sorry Rob, but it was a horrible movie.

Happy Halloween

Fri, 31 Oct 2003 17:39:54 GMT

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
Lucinine777 goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as apathy.
draggoyle808 tricks you! You get a thumbtack.
gooph gives you 19 teal vanilla-flavoured pieces of chewing gum.
ibleevenfaeries tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy!
lionmandrake gives you 5 light orange vanilla-flavoured pieces of chewing gum.
xxhollzxx tricks you! You lose 4 pieces of candy!
Lucinine777 ends up with 19 pieces of candy, and a thumbtack.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

Happy Fucking Birthday

Thu, 30 Oct 2003 19:43:24 GMT

So yesterday was my birthday. Woo-fucking-Hoo. Lemme break it down fast for you. My father called me old. My mother wept because she's old. My aunt bought me a sweater. I got alot of cash as "gifts." My mother bought me some jewelry I will never wear. I played with my niece (see new photo on website). I ate alot of pasta. There was singing and a slight rage within me to kill them all for it. I felt alone. Jen was the only one to notice the large yellow diamond ring on my finger. I missed J ... a shit ton. I went home to eat the rest of my birthay cake alone. Found flowers on my stoop. I missed J some more.

Doesn't even feel like my birthday. I've decided that my bithday this year will be either November or December 29th instead. Just whenever J is here. I'll come out then, I promise. Until then I'm going to sit here and try and figure out why I'm just not relating anymore.

HAHAHAHAHAHA fucking HA!

Tue, 07 Oct 2003 08:30:05 GMT

Who asked for the lynching?....

Sat, 16 Aug 2003 04:16:13 GMT

Today was a glorious day, for today I was called a racist by some ignorant whore who simply just wanted a free meal. So I'm in the middle of my adorable double shift, at the onset of the dinner rush mind you as well, and 4 of my tables decide they need their checks and wish to leave all at once. This is brought to my attention while in the middle of taking yet another table's order. Apparently in all the business I neglected to acknowledge a woman sitting by herself at one of my tables in record enough time. Apparently this woman is black and likes everyone to know it. So I go into the back to cash out the four tables and the hostess comes back and this conversation occurs...

Hostess: "Did you forget about table 62?"
Me: "61? No I just took their order."
H: "No, table 62. There is a woman on 62 by herself and she's been waiting a very long time."
Me: "There is no way she's been waiting long, you had to have just sat her. I didn't see anyone at 62. What are you talking about?"
H: "She says you ignored her and went to every single other table instead."
Me: "Are you serious? I swear I didn't see anyone sitting there. Four of my tables needed to be cashed at once, maybe I was just busy and not ignoring her ... ya think?!?!"
H: "I don't know, I just now she complained to (enter name of random fill in manager who doesn't normally work at our restaurant here) and is pissed."
Me: "Tell her I'll be right out and I'm sorry. I'll take her order in 2 minutes."

I get to the table and she's pissed. I tell her I'm sorry and that I didn't see her. She insists I saw her and I maintain I did not. She informs me that she watched me go to all four of the other tables and blatantly ignored her. At this point I'm thinking that clearly she must have seen me picking up all their checks then. Apparently she could care less that I was actually busy because she then complains she is in a hurry, god knows no one in a restaurant is in a hurry. I tell her I will see what I can do to put her order through ASAP and apoligize again.

I beg the line to put the order through. They give me shit. I give it back. The chef that's nice to me comes out, tells the line to do it and they do. I win! Meanwhile, our fill in manager (who consequently happens to be a black woman as well) is sympathizing with the customer over at her table and has decided to comp her whole meal. During this exchange, the hostess explains to me that the woman said I was a racist and chose to help the white customers first. As soon as I heard this, I went in the back and threw some shit around. The chef I get along with comes out and asks what's up. I explain and he exclaims "that's bullshit." Then calmly asks if I'd like him to piss in her food. I say no, but I would like if he'd watch my tables while I took her outside for a beating.

Now I'm alot of things at many different times, but on this particular day, in this particular occurrence, I was anything BUT a racist. Not only did the fill in manager sympathize, but also chose to scold me as if to tell me she felt I neglected her out of racism and not simply because it was the fucking dinner rush. So the cunt got her free meal, even had the nerve to order dessert to go. Gotta love the service industry. I hope to fucking hell that bus she needed so desperately to catch ran her ignorant ass over.

Soul Sister....

Fri, 15 Aug 2003 04:25:21 GMT

Haven't written in awhile so I guess I should. Life has been interesting to say the least. Found out the real definition of soulmate recently, as well as a few instances of "who your real friends are." I've mainly just been working alot. Had some interesting experiences with some of the boys at work. I can now say I've legitimately been sexually harassed. It's funny that I, of all people, would find crass and lewd behavior offensive. I guess I really am getting old. And now onto the tyraid...

I've been thinking about these for a few weeks now and I'm still not at any point in which to be settled with it. Why is it that it's now easily acceptable to be perfectly lewd to a complete stranger? To clarify, I'm not talking about the guy who simply offers to buy you a drink or the girl who's outfit is a tad revealing. While we all know the underlined message behind both of those people, they're still not overly offensive. What I'm talking about is the girl in the bar (not the strip club) who is naked and lap dancing random men/women. Or the guy at your workplace who finds it necessary to challenge your sexuality because you were not overjoyed when he suggested that he'd like to shoot a load all over your face. Exactly where is the line anymore, if there even is one? Why is common courtesy and polite behavior so frowned upon when dealing with the opposite sex? And why the hell is it okay for 10 year old girls to wear halter tops and low rise jeans?

I've had my fair share of relationships in which I've been disrespected, as well as plenty of "hey babe, nice tits" comments on the street and now I'm in a relationship in which I am respected completely. To see how well a man CAN treat me only makes the disrespect I receive from others less tolerable. This also makes it incredibly difficult for me to stand by idle while someone else is disrespected. This may all sound very noble and ideal of me but I've yet another twist to this arguement...

To know the nature of the beast is to know it's true capacity. If you knew your next door neighbor was a child molester would you have your 10 year old child prance around in a bikini all day? Most men, and just as many women, are driven by sexuality more regularly then anything else. When a (single) man or woman goes out to a bar, the general agenda is to "hook up." When you mix alcohol with a sexually driven individual who's agenda is to find a sex partner for the evening you create a situation, dare I say, and environment that may not be ideal for everyone. Knowing that most men, especially while intoxicated, will gravitate toward lewd behavior, why provoke it? Why walk around Ozzfest all day with your tits hanging out? Why act like a whore in the bar? As a woman in the same room as you all I can say is "fuck you and thanks alot." Because all you've now created for me is a bunch of drooling idiots who will lump me in with your whorish tendencies. God forbid I wear a short skirt and heel, I clearly am a whore because my outfit is similar to the 3some of pseudolesbianism grinding on the dance floor. Or better yet, since I have large breasts clearly I would want to flash them to everyone just because they asked, gave me beads, or wore a shirt that said "show me your tits." Again, I say fuck you.

So where is the line anymore? Have we grown so insecure that we accept any and all treatment thrown our way? Or are we so worried of offending someone ourselves that we hold back on our own defense in these situations? I really don't see anything wrong with telling the naked woman to put her clothes back on. There is a time and a place for everything, and the local bar is NOT a strip club. I also find nothing wrong with reporting a coworker for lewd behavior. Fact is, if it makes you uncomfortable then it's not something you should be forced to tolerate. If we are all to cater to everyone else's "freedom" to express their sexuality, then why not be able to defend our own as well. Personally, I really don't want to see some fat chicks tits at a concert, nor do I wish to spend my evening out drinking with friends explaining to every man that my tits will not be on display. People need to realize that freedom is a privilege and not a right, and if you question that statement, go ask someone who lives in a country in which there is little to no personal freedom. And further more, just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean you should or you have to. Remember, every time you act upon your "freedom" you're probably infringing on someone elses.

It's in the cards...

Thu, 14 Aug 2003 04:03:16 GMT

Your Name: Luci Nine
Your Date of Birth: 10/29/1974
Your Question or Information: is j my true love?

Past

Mannaz - Cooperation, teamwork, collaboration, help and aid from others, beginning new projects, especially with others.

Present

Ehwaz - Abrupt changes, moving into new home and environment, travel, swift change in situation.

Future

Wunjo - Joy, happiness, love, fulfillment in career and home life, the icing on the cake.

Cast the runes here:
Rune Caster

Here kitty kitty kitty....

Wed, 13 Aug 2003 08:25:01 GMT

Posted recent pictures in user info for those of you who can't stop bugging me for one. Enjoy!

First time I've agreed with one of these quizzes

Thu, 26 Jun 2003 07:51:41 GMT

lucinine777
Magic Number	3
Job	Porn Star
Personality	Drifter
Temperament	Steely
Sexual	If I Have To
Likely To Win	Time Off For Good Behaviour
Me - In A Word	Compassionate
Colour
Brought to you by MemeJack

Apparently I need to get laid...

Thu, 26 Jun 2003 07:39:09 GMT

It seems I'm repeating myself alot about this subject lately and it's late so don't expect any fluidity to this post. So I started working randomly again. Just about every male there is younger then me and for some reason overly flirtatious and taken. I've donned the new motto "don't poke the bear." This one guy, we'll call him Shane, is one of those guys who flirts ALOT because his girlfriend wears the pants in the relationship, so when she's not around he tries to get away with whatever he can. I'm standing behind the bar and he comes up and decides it's spring break and sprays me with the water from the gun. White dress shirt + water = fun for customers. Prior to all of this was all of the usual witty banter one expects from a guy who would never take you up on any serious offer. "Hey wanna go do it?" I believe that was asked on more then one occasion. I kept telling him, don't offer if you're not going to follow through. Ann tried to get him to tone it down by telling him "she doesn't get it." This isn't true. I can take a joke just fine. But after 8 months of no contact with the opposite sex whatsoever, don't poke the bear unless you don't mind getting mauled. I can never go out drinking with Shane because he's gonna wake up the next day without a girlfriend and I'm just gonna laugh. So the moral is ... jokes are fun, jokes are good, but don't poke the bear unless you intend on feeding it.

Oh yeah ... this is how bad I need to have random stranger on a train sex ... I'm on the phone getting some banking help yesterday (some fuck up on their end as usual) and the guy on the phone has this killer deep voice and keeps moaning and breathing hard as he's typing in info. I almost had to tell him to stop. And yes it has to be stranger on a train sex, put down the phone, and you know who you are. I can't even think about having the day after conversation at this point. Let alone the second date thing. I'm thinking I need a trip to the city. Worked when I was younger.

Punk is dead....

Fri, 20 Jun 2003 08:31:21 GMT

So I'm watching tv tonight and VH1 is doing the top 100 songs of the past 25 years. Sandwiched in between "Freefallin'" by Tom Petty and "Fallin" by Alicia Keys at #38 is "London Calling." As I'm watching the explanation of why this song is so great they show a snipit of an interview with Joe Strummer from about 3-4 years ago and I start to cry a bit. They're flashing all these old photos of Joe, Paul and Mick on the screen and I'm remembering when I got Sandinista on vinyl as a kid. And how much I LOVED Paul, especially when he'd wear a hat. Then I see one photo of Paul and he bears an odd resemblance to Derek from Sum 41, (please don't ask me why I know their names in Sum 41, I just do) and it hits me how punk is really and truly dead. If there is any bit of it still lying around in anyone under the age of 25 it's only because they look or act like someone from an older band.

Punk, like rap, was one of the last really unique music forms to be discovered. And much like rock, it's now come full circle. Any assmunch with a guitar can now be in a rock band (ex. Creed). And now, sadly, anyone with a Hot Topic within driving distance can be in a punk band (ex. Avril Lavigne). The soul of punk is dead and buried now. In the past few years we've seen the passing of some of the greatest pioneers of punk music. The two final nails being Joey Ramone and Joe Strummer. When Joey died, some friends and I went down to the city for the funeral. For some reason it didn't hit me then that the genre was on it's death bed. I think maybe because punk stemmed from and existed in two different coastal subcultures, it took the death of an American icon as well as a British one to seal the deal.

There is nothing about the new punk invasion that is inherently "punk." There is no resistance. No struggle. No pride, and no shame. I remember the first time I heard "White Riot," as well as the first time I heard "Complicated." The two experiences are like oil and water. "White Riot" was about the strain and frustration of a class left to fend for themselves. About possessing enough anger and fear to take to the streets and actually fight. It wasn't about going to the mall with your friends. I feel complete pity for the kids in high school who are experiencing this new punk. To know that they'll never have any sort of emotional epiphany while listening to New Found Glory in the same way I did when I heard The Clash makes me a bit sad.

I think on many levels all of this can be said in parallel about rap/hip hop. I feel the same way about the Clash as I do about Public Enemy. "By the Time I Get to Arizona" is the black man's "London Calling." And "Fight the Power" their "White Riot." There is NO comparison between Chuck D and Nelly. Chuck D is a man of principle along with anger. He took a handful of words and he used them to try to change that which he felt needed changing. In a time of apartheid, "By the Time I Get to Arizona" set a precedence in the music industry for being on of the first songs to instigate the changing of a state law. The song was written about the fact that Arizona was the only U.S. state to not have MLK day as a holiday. By shining a light on this through a stabbing video (directed by Spike Lee of course) as well as rallies and protests, they were able to usher in a change in the law. When was the last time you heard Puff Daddy changing a social injustice?

While I've said punk is dead I know it's really not. This summer one of the few remaining punk pioneers will be touring the country in the name of social injustice. If you miss your roots like I do, I recommend you join the rest of us when Rollins rolls into your town to help raise money for the West Memphis Three (go to Hank's site http://21361.com/ for more info). Music used to mean something. Watching those 100 videos tonight made it clear as day to me that music stopped meaning anything about 10 years ago. I may mourn my youth from time to time but I think I miss music with a message more. Love ya Hank.

'Cause if you're sleepin' you ain't eatin'

Thu, 19 Jun 2003 04:43:29 GMT

Falling down the rabbit hole again. Been sleeping way too much lately. Was supposed to meet up with Hollie tonight for some random entertainment, but fell asleep instead. Woke up just in time to see Fox's new reality show, was back asleep 20 minutes later. While my dreams are generally more entertaining than tv, it's still a dangerous slope. So glad I start working again this weekend. I told them to put me on as many shifts they need want. While there is little interaction to the job it's still something beyond myself that gets me out of the house.

I did get social this weekend for the old father's day BBQ at my aunt's house. Oh it was lovely. Every one of my relatives brought their kids. And as you can guess, I was the only childless one in the bunch. All day I got to answer the "so what are you doing now" questions. Which we all know is just the polite version of "why aren't you married yet." I can't say that I was sitting there watching them all wishing I had their lives but I do know that I didn't think I'd be nearing 29 and alone. But then again, who does. I always figured I'd either be dead or knee deep in a "life."

It's so odd to me to see how perfect they all are. I keep wondering how they do it. And why. The house is spotless. All the kids are dressed in matching outfits. Hair, nails, makeup done. Nice car. Nice job. Bordering June Cleaver. I sat there trying to imagine their sex lives. Wondering how often said wife blows said husband. Or how long it takes to decide what outfits to put their kids in. Do they talk about anything besides their "life" while in bed at night. And even if their lives are all as trite as that all sounds, are they unhappy? Would I be unhappy?

Sure, you're not discussing the ramifications of a global war on economic depravity during breakfast. Nor are you purchasing 1st editions of "The Debauchery of Monks" for Christmas gifts. But you have someone to come home to. You have a title, Mrs. so-and-so. You have children to love and involve yourself with. You have, more or less, stability. Can you be happy with just that? Do you need the drama. The wisdom. The, dare I say, slap and tickle? It boring really that boring? Or is it just stable?

Phoenix Rising...

Sun, 15 Jun 2003 09:42:26 GMT

It’s only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself
It’s only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself

Something beautiful is happening inside for me
Something sensual, it's full of fire and mystery
I feel hypnotized, I feel paralized
I have found heaven

There’s a thousand reasons
Why I shouldn't spent my time with you
For every reason not to be here I can think of two
Keep me hanging on
Feeling nothing’s wrong
Inside your heaven

It’s only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself
It’s only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself

I can feel the emptiness inside me fade & disappear
There's a feeling of content that now you are here
I feel satisfied
I belong inside
Your velvet heaven

Did I need to sell my soul
For pleasure like this
Did I have to lose control
To treasure your kiss
Did I need to place my heart
In the palm of your hand
Before I could even start
To understand

It’s only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself
It’s only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find my life
I find myself
It’s only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself

http://www.sstab.se/roger/dmlyrics/

Like a halo in reverse...

Sun, 15 Jun 2003 06:36:10 GMT

I started to compose a letter to Ian a few days ago and then I realized it was a waste of sentiment. Then five minutes later I realized I really didn't care anymore. Amongst the mess he left behind (which I predict will take a few more weeks to clean) he left a few things. I told him he left some stuff when he called from the airport and he responded with the usual "whatever" and told me I could drop it off when he got home. Oh happy happy joy joy, I get to do him ANOTHER favor. So I boxed it up and mailed it to him. I figure that just might make it clear I have no desire to share any futher face time with him. Like many a boy I've swapped spit with ... I'm over it.

So onto my boredom. I've somehow managed to wear out one of my DM dvds because I constantly leave it in the player on a loop. I've spent alot of free time playing poker. I started redecorating my house too. Did I mention I'm bored? So I'm thinking I need a little fun and excitement. Something to bat around for a bit. If Chris would just leave his fucking lame girlfriend he's been trying to leave for months now then I'd be in business. It just seems pointless to flirt with him when I know it can't go anywhere. I can't say as if I would want it to turn into nakey time but it's just boring without the option at least.

So I've been watching alot of porn lately as well. I'm slowly realizing I have issues. Maybe I just haven't been satisfying my sadistic side enough lately, but all my porn is really twisted. It's so bad I almost have to judge myself for owning it. Okay now I know I'm really bored .. I'm having a sexual conflict with my masturbation. I really need something to do. I suppose I could sleep more.

At least I can still masturbate...

Sun, 08 Jun 2003 22:39:10 GMT

Oh happy day ... Spike isn't really dead, he'll be on Angel this fall! Yeah, I'm a geek I know but let's all admit the Billy Idol looking British vamp is a tad sexy. I'll take a run at the actor playing the part too.

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